Return of the Floridiots
MIAMI (CBS4) ― Imagine trying to strap a light pole, at least 30 feet long, to the roof of an Astro mini-van. Now imagine driving through busy downtown Miami traffic with that pole tied to your vehicle. That's exactly what cops say Elio Valerio and a friend did just before they were pulled over.[...]He managed to drive all the way from 83rd and Biscayne Boulevard to Northwest 7th Avenue and Northwest 21st Street.
Story with video here. Google maps says thats about a 5 mile, 15 minute drive through downtown with the stolen street light pole strapped to his minivan!
Floridiots Strike Back
Hi guys! Hope you're still planning on coming!
Not to discourage you, but after seeing the following story on last night's news, I thought it would be best to prepare you for a visit to South Florida, where anything and everything happens. If you're familiar with any of our previous work:
[not to mention Creative Duct-tape Users -ed] then I know you'll enjoy this one:
- Assorted Hurricanes
- New home of OJ Simpson
- The Elian Gonzales case
- The 2000 Election
- Home of several 9/11 hijackers
- Anthrax attack
Yesterday in Homestead, near Miami, a man who apparently feared he had overdosed on drugs left his house, sprinted three blocks down the street while naked, and burst into an occupied home. He sat on the couch for a few moments while the startled family stared at him. At that point, he apparently became scared, got up and moved the couch, and cowered behind it for a several minutes.
At that point he got up, ran into the kitchen, took a gallon of milk from their fridge, and left the house. He stopped and boarded a "special needs" schoolbus, and forced the driver to take him to the hospital. When they arrived, he ran into the hospital and, still naked and carrying a gallon of milk, hurdled the counter at the admissions desk and demanded to be treated.
I think we've really outdone ourselves with this one. It's hard to even fit all the wackiness into a single headline! "Recently cowering naked local addict hijacks special ed schoolbus with stolen milk jug, demands treatment".
Anyway, hope that didn't scare you off! See you soon! And be prepared!
Unfortunately I can no longer find a link to this one, but I swear I really did see this story on local TV news.
Floridiots In The News
First there is is this one out of Ocala, FL, where a bank robber used his own personal check, with his name on it, as a robbery note.
Second, and the best I've seen in quite some time, is this story (be sure to watch the video), from Deland, FL where a guy tries to use a dried up palm frond as a weapon to rob a convenience store. Besides the hilarious dialogue, weird gestures (I like the way he shakes his hand "Hey!" when the clerk touches him), putting his shirt over his head like the Bazooka Joe character, and the fact that he is shooed out with a stool, the funniest thing is of course his choice of weapon. Someone pointed out to me that even doing the old "my hand in my jacket pocket is a gun" routine would have worked better, which is a good point. I think it says something about your skills as a robber when you choose to intimidate using a real "weapon" that is less effective than an imaginary one.
Note to Amazon
Talk about an Axis of Evil...
Yahoo rejects joint proposal from Microsoft, Iran
In a joint press release, Ballmer and Ahmadinejad also vowed to "wipe Google from the map"...
(ok, actually it was Carl Icahn but I misread it...)
Shock and Awe and Childlike Wonder
On the other hand we have a previous item that the pundits didn't pick up on, but which I think is really interesting. About Apple's acquisition of PA Semiconductor:
"PA Semi's staff has started notifying a limited set of customers that the company's existing dual-core processor will enjoy long-term support. Apple will employ a number of old PA Semi staffers just for this task, which is good news for folks making missiles, mine-sweeping gear and storage boxes."
(The Register, via MacRumors. Emphasis added.)
Now that's interesting: Apple-powered missiles. Now only if they'd loan out Jon Ive to help design them. Imagine missiles with a seamless brushed aluminum or glossy white surface that emit a soft, pulsing glow from hidden LEDs when armed. Maybe some kind of iTunes integration, downloading and playing "Ride of the Valkyries" or other suitable music over any BlueTooth headsets in the target area. Missile nose cameras would stream back QuickTime videos of the impact, automatically saved and organized in iPhoto. Google Maps integration for targeting. Use your imagination.
That's right. Missiles that deliver not only Shock and Awe, but Childlike Wonder.
Apple.
Explode different.
Parking Ticket Vehicle Camoflage and Business Card Müllerian Mimicry
You may have heard previously of Telstar Logistics, a nonexistent company that is really just a scam to avoid parking tickets in loading zones. Todd Lappin camoflages his car as a fleet vehicle, to blend into its urban surroundings as a defense mechanism.
Well, today I came across a kind of flip side: Business Card Müllerian Mimicry.
The inventor displays this business card on his luggage while traveling when he doesn't want to be bothered. Quote: "It's amazing how often I get an empty seat next to me".
